The Inner Knowing of Mothers
An old worn photo of me at 19, breastfeeding my daughter, Deja. I suffered terrible engorgement, and my loving midwives helped me to persevere.
Because of the support I got, I joyfully breastfed me daughter until she was 4 years old.
As a co-founder of Awakening Birth with Deborah Flowers of the Farm Midwifery Center, I’m very fond of encouraging mothers to get in touch with their own “inner knowing.” I don’t send mothers out to “find” their inner knowing, because it’s right there in their hearts—in the hearts of each of us. It is the still place, the eye of the storm of daily life, where our authentic selves dwell.
I began to feel my own inner knowing as a teenager, when I was expecting my first baby. One drizzly morning I was riding my bicycle, rushing to my freshman college classes, when my bike chain fell off. My pregnant belly was so big that I could not bend down to fix it. Even worse, my rear tire was stuck tightly between the railroad tracks, a dangerous situation that would have normally made me give up and cry inconsolably by the side of the road, while the next train smashed my beloved bike.
But then a resonance with the entire universe that my baby and I occupied began to rise like a song in my heart. It was as if my baby said, “It’s all okay, Mom, I got you covered.” From out of nowhere, an elderly man, wearing tatters and a scruffy beard, came to sweep me and my bicycle from the railroad tracks. The rain suddenly stopped. The clouds parted and the sun came out to shine on this ancient man’s toothless smile. He quickly fixed my bike chain. “Better be off to school, little mother,” he said.
I stammered, “But how did you know I’m a student, and where did you come from?” He answered with a wink. “Your baby girl told me.” Off I sped to school, on a bicycle that now seemed to fly and navigate the roads effortlessly. Each day after that I searched the railroad tracks on my way to and from school, hoping to see my angel. I never did see him again. But that experience switched on something that had been brewing deep inside of me. My inner knowing was activated. From that moment, I felt protected. I knew without ultrasound that my baby would be a girl. I knew her birth would be wonderful. I felt my strength and wisdom grow. I knew that this baby would be my teacher, my guru.
From that day forward, I began to truly trust in the kindness of all creation. My inner knowing gave me, and this baby, a secure place in the dance of all things. As my life unfolded there were millions of coincidences—miracles, really—but somehow on that day, I became a mom and a birthkeeper, because I began to believe in the miracle of life.
This is a message...from my inner knowing to yours:
Dear mOM,
Natural childbirth is not a myth. Most women can do it, supported by loving, skilled birthkeepers such as midwives, doctors, doulas, nurses, and caring family. I am not saying there are easy answers or simple solutions. I am saying that as a mother-to-be, you can tune into your own inner knowing. This knowing is the crux of your journey toward motherhood. When you find her, your authentic self, it will not matter how your birth unfolds, naturally or not. It will be just right, for you and for your baby.
Prenatal care is not intended to be “prenatal scare.” Search for a midwife or a doctor who will become your partner-in-health, by sharing knowledge and supporting your feeling of safety. Surround yourself with friends, family, and healthcare providers who believe in you. As you find your own inner knowing, most pregnancy discomforts can be resolved and released, and your health will soar. Dismantle the fortress that helped you survive traumas, and let down your guard so your oxytocin may flow. Prepare your heart to arrive for your childbirth experience, dressed in your authentic self, ready to open and become a mother, as nature intended.
You are your own best doctor. Your inner knowing will reveal the most valuable medical advice. The most important healing gift your doctor and midwives can give you is so simple: They must believe in you.
Especially now, as our planet is suffering and our species, and all species, face extinction, we need all mothers to unfold as wise women. While you look for solutions, learn from many teachers, but trust the teachers who believe in you. In partnership with your baby, your partner, and your birthkeepers, find your own inner knowing. It will lead you to the most gentle, ecological, organic way to birth, breastfeed, and parent your child. Embrace the responsibility of being a wise woman. Our survival in this fast-approaching future depends upon the wise decisions of mothers.
I Love You,
Ibu